The most frightening dream

I had a dream where I was coming home from the country on a large bus. After leaving a movie threater and wandering around in the snow for a bit, I finally found the bus stop just in time for he his to arrive. A thick forest lined the highway on either side and the snow fell heavily on the road. In front of the bus a car spun out of control when trying to change lanes and the bus ended up clipping the car and sending it in to the ditch. I got out of the bus and opened the passenger-side door. There was a man and woman inside the car, the man looked dead and the woman was screaming and crying. "It was supposed to be me!" She kept shouting. I tried to get her to calm down, but she kept flailing about, cutting the seatbelt strap deeper into her neck. She then reached to the side to unbuckled herself and in doing so ended up slitting her own throat. Blood gushed out on the wound and landed in my mouth, I started to vomit and the woman died, all the while shouting "you did this! You killed me!"

Swim

I'm drowning 

And I'm not sure I want to swim again. 

It isn't that hard.

It really isn't that hard to fake a smile when I need to.

You think you can tell when I'm upset, but I only let you see what I want.

When I'm really upset 

When I'm really hurt

When I get this uncontrollable urge to step off the sidewalk to become just another piece of road kill. 

You wouldn't know. 

I hide  it behind a real smile that I pull from a memory 

A memory from before I knew what it was to be sad

Before I could see through the curtained lies people told 

So don't think you know me, because I only let you see me sad to make you feel better. 

Erase my Armor

How long will the paper clips and staples last?

Will the rain wash away my armor like a child's drawing on the sidewalk? 

When the rain starts to fall...

I hope my bucket doesn't start to leak, because nothing ever good came from a flood.

And I'm not quite sure my boat will float long enough for me to not drown others along with me. 

Because my armor is nothing more than pencil on paper. 

And my boat is barely that, just nic-knacks tied together with string lost from jackets and memories forgotten under beds. 

But soon I'm going to run out of tape and  elastics and pins and twist ties. 

Then what am I going to do? 

Ask other people?

Can I borrow your stapler real quick?  

Feels Like Rain

Baby it feels like rain.
I can feel the pressure on my chest
The water's about to start pouring.

And there's nothing we can do

Baby it feels like rain
And I almost feel like drowning
As my lung begin to fill

But I can't look away from the sky

Baby it feels like rain
I can see the lightning start to flash
And the rain is set on fire

It's hard to breathe with all the heat

Because Baby it feels like rain
And there's no stopping it
And I don't want you to get sick

So take your umbrella and run.

Beat

Nonrhythmic is characteristic of my beat

So I drink one more cup to make it louder

And here comes the finishing number

One last call to knock the breath from my lips.

I'm on my way down

One trip backwards and I'm gone.

But my fingers are still shaking

And the ringing getting in my ears is getting louder

So I drink another cup to bring back the beat.

Memories

At the time I never thought much of it, I never really listened to the song but I knew it didn't sound right coming from my parents. I knew no marriage was perfect, I was old enough to understand that, but I didn't know how bad it was.

We were in the car, driving up to my uncle's house, it's one of the few memories I have left of my family together, and now that I think about it... it was the start of the end. Whenever a song came on the radio my father would sing along; poorly, and with the wrong lyrics and my mother would roll her eyes and tell him to stop. But sometimes my parents would sing a song together and I smiled because I thought it meant the fights that my parents tried to hide were resolving themselves and we were going to stay a family.

I was wrong.

Now that I look back I realize that the only song my parents sang properly together was just foreshadowing the enviable.

I really hate Paradise by the Dashboard Lights.