Happy

It's hard to tell what's real now.
I've been lying to myself so much.

I'm okay.
I'm okay.
I'm okay.
But I'm not.

I've hid my feelings-
(My true feelings)
Just to be accepted.
So I would be wanted.

I put a smile on,
Because it was easier than trying.
Because I always felt so alone.

And if I smiled to make people like me-
(Hide the real me)
Then that was okay.

It was worth it,
Because I wouldn't be alone,
And that would make me happy

I was happy right?
I was really happy...
Right?

I've been fake happy for so long.
Now that I don't need to be,
I don't know what it feels like.

What did it feel like?

I can't remember,
How long have I been pretending?

I'm tired of pretending.
I'm tired of this fake happy.
I'm tired of having to burn myself to feel warmth.

I want to try to be happy,
But I'm afraid I don't know how
And I'm afraid I won't know it,
And I'll loose it.